Most people like the notion of ‘change’ – it sounds exciting! it is also very popular, nowadays, especially in quotes that go around social media. It is great, right? I have also written an article about it – you can read it here. The word makes you feel hopeful and good about yourself. On an individual level, embracing change is a fancy idea that self-help, spiritual and meditation groups promote.
In motherhood groups change is frowned upon by some but really supported by most… as long as it is someone else doing it, of course. We like saying that we need to change, things need to change, only by changing habits/ideas we move forward, change leads to evolution, etc. However, in order to ‘change’ anything we need to have a clear and deep understanding of ourselves, our limitations, our current situation, our good points and be mindful of our actions.
In order to ‘change’ and become better, as far as motherhood is concerned, we need to realize the impact that our behavior and decisions have on our children. We need to get away from feelings of self pride and stubbornness and be open to face new realities and process information we didn’t know before. We have to understand how our own childhood is affecting our parenting methods.
It is unfortunate that moms, especially, try to be perfect or want to believe they are. Motherhood doesn’t equal never making mistakes. On the contrary, is a learning process that will continue for the rest of our lives. Motherhood means creating lasting bonds with another person that are based on respect, love, understanding, effective communication, and accepting our own wrong decisions so next time we can improve and change.
Motherhood is based on trying to learn new things, explore areas we might not feel comfortable with, debating new ideas, educating ourselves, owing up to mistakes, and having an open relationship with our children that is based on honesty, humility and appreciation, (Read: ‘Being the parent your child deserves’).
What I, unfortunately, notice with many moms is the fear of failing that stops them from actually becoming better. Many will support a wrong decision till the end as long as they don’t admit to themselves that maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do at the time. There is nothing wrong with realizing and accepting mistakes – that’s the only way towards change!
Children are NOT born bad, liars, abusive, dishonest, unappreciative, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, vengeful and nasty. Noone is born that way. We need to take responsibility for our part in our children’s personality and character formation. Children grow up in home environments that directly affect their behavior. They are raised by adults whose own actions have a huge impact on what they project as a role model or how they should act and like.
Everything we do and say HAS a huge effect on our children – how can young moms, especially, ignore this real fact? It might feel uncomfortable and unpleasant but we have the greatest responsibility in raising emotionally healthy children. We could be bringing up tomorrow’s abusers, narcissists, wife/husband beaters, criminals and bullies.
‘Always remember: the goal is not perfection, the goal is love. Forgive yourself for past parenting mistakes, learn new ways to deal with life’s difficulties, heal and evolve from wrong past choices and start loving yourself and your children more,’ (Always Ladies).
PS: The artists of these drawings are my daughters – I look at them every time I feel like a horrible mom. They are a good reminder of how much our children love and trusts us to be the best we can. x